Sunnydale Times

News you can sink you teeth into.

Mayhem Caused!

Body Found Drained of Blood -- Police Baffled

Members of the Sunnydale Police reported today that they had discovered what appears to be a new victim of the unexplained series of killings. As with the others, the body was found to be mysteriously drained of blood with two small puncture marks near the neck.

"We haven't seen anything like this since, oh... just before Christmas" said Sargent William Hargood. "We're hoping some good member of the public will call in with a lead. Please."

Sex in Sunnydale Diagrammed -- See the Shocking Results!

Happy Birthday, Paul! (March 10th)

Jonathan Saves The Day!

In a move that surprised no one, Sunnydale's own Jonathan took time from his busy schedule filming the sequels to The Matrix to save the world earlier today. Although details aren't clear on what exactly happened, but sources close to Jonathan (who has a new auto-biography out this year) say the situation was dire indeed.

DOD Funds New Resarch Lab at Sunnydale U

Sources report that Sunnydale University will be receiving massive funding for its new Margaret Walsh Psychiatric Research Laboratory. (Named after the late professor who helmed SU's acclaimed psych department.) Officials said they facility, much of which will be underground, is expected to be built in record time and under budget. Ground-breaking will take place next month.

Young Woman Mugged, Assailants Hospitalized

It must be a lucky day for Buffy Summers, 23, of Sunnydale as an attemped mugging went horribly awry... for her assailants! While unwisely walking home at last night, Ms. Summers was attacked by two as yet unnamed men, who apparently both tripped and fell against a nearby brick wall with sufficient force to render them unconscious. Doctors at Sunnydale General say they are in stable condition.

World News 2-3
Horoscopes 4-5
Living 6
Business 7
Classifieds 8
Comics 11
Editorials 12
Columnists 12
Sports 13
Obituaries 14-23
Obituary Errata 24